There is nothing more enticing or alluring than the prospect of finding
that one true love. Perhaps the only thing better could be true love with a
catwalk model. For thousands of forlorn, abandoned, rejected or just fed up with
feminism' men in Western Europe, the USA, Canada and Australia, all trails seem
to 'lead eastward' as they search for the love of their life. The marriage
agency business in Ukraine is booming. It was born shortly the fall of the wall,
but received its biggest infusion of life about 7 years ago with the rise in
popularity of the Internet.
Ukraine is second after Russia in
numbers of women using the Internet
superhighway to find love and romance and, perhaps, a better life. But how many
of these women are for real? How many wants love, marriage and a little one in a
baby carriage? Surprisingly enough after talking with a cross-section of men
recently arrived in Kyiv from Western Europe, the USA and Canada on marriage
tours, not as many as you would think are interested in pursuing marriage.
These men, who had been corresponding with the woman of 'their dreams' for many
months, were dismayed to find that once on the ground in Ukraine, a different
story was on the verge of ruining their fairytale quest for a Slavic princess.
There were three com?plaints this reporter heard from all but two of the men.
Number one:
I. The girl said she had second thoughts and didn't want to get married so
soon.
2. The girl said she had no plans to leave Ukraine.
3.љ The girl 'appeared' interested only in going out and having a good time.
"It was just a bit strange to me," says Curtis, a computer programmer from
San Jose California. Curtis had been corresponding with a girl named Svetlana in
Kyiv for about 6 months before deciding to take the plunge. "Everything appears
o.k. on the surface, but when I want to talk about specifics, plans for the
future, she backs off. I mean I am only here for 7 days, I don't have a long
time to put things together, it was really kind of frustrating," he says. Curtis
also says the passion and heartfelt feelings that were in the emails and letters
before his arrival were missing in the face to face contact. "There was
something peculiar about our first and second meetings. I didn't get the
impression that I was talking to the same girl I had been writing to for a half
of a year. She said she didn't want to get married so soon and that she was
nervous about relocating to the USA," said Curtis. Those two points are the
sticklers. Yes, marriage is a big step, and one should be a little nervous about
broaching the subject, but shouldn't that be a consideration before a person
enlists the services of a marriage agency, not after the guy you have been
writing 'sweet nothings' to shows up at the airport?
The first two points were put to American businessman and longtime Kyiv
resident Mr. Brett Ousley, himself President of Kiev Connections. "I am a single
guy, and have used agencies in the past, and some of the problems mentioned are
what led me to open up my own agency", he says. Brett says many of the plethora
of agencies in Ukraine are in the business to collect and sell as many names and
addresses as they can. This 'killing the golden goose' mentality in the marriage
agency business is bad for the legitimate operations who genuinely try to match
the appropriate people for a solid relationship. "I remember this one time,
years ago, I was on a date with a girl from some agency in town," says Ousley,
"and after I pick her up we start walking to this cafe in order to get to know
each other better. As we are walking, she nonchalantly blurts out that she can
not be out late because her husband will be home in a while". Needless to say,
Ousley politely ducked out. "She was amazing, she like said I hope this doesn't
preclude us going out tonight? I said well, 'what's the point', see ya later,"
says the disgusted bride hunter.
Ousley says this experience was such a shocker that it has helped form a
cornerstone of his operation. Through screening of the applicants, his
suspicions were well founded. What some people don't consider as that this is a
'win win' situation for the ladies," says Ousley. "It costs them nothing. The
risk is the man's. She waits for the agency to call, or she collects the
letters, gifts and dates all for free, while the man uses his one vacation a
year, buys a ticket, lodgings in Kyiv and lays his heart on the line, so that is
why we make sure our girls are on the level," says Ousley. Ousley says that he
periodically reviews a girl's status, and that some are rejected, or removed
from his roster if they are found to be just in the game for a good time and not
serious. Another agency that specializes in personalized matchmaking is the
Mordinson Agency of Kharkiv. Mordinson is a premium agency specializing in some
of 'the most attractive women in the Kharkiv region, and goes to the trouble of
listing it's success stories on the web site, with actual photos of the couples
it has produced. "Our girls are all interested in getting married and we go to
the trouble of individually tailoring a program for the man who is visiting, so
he feels special and the process goes smoothly," says representative Darya
Mordinson. "We don't conduct these uncomfortable 'meat-market' socials that some
of the bigger agencies conduct," she says of the classic marriage agency meets
where ten guys will find themselves facing a room full of up to sixty girls.
"The meetings we offer are all individual and only with girls or women who are
definitely interested in the man so that disappointment is who have dealt with
the mass marketers of names and addresses. You can tell such sites right away
when you load up their page on your browser. You see about ten to fifteen photos
per page, nearly identical wording on the bios, normally only credit card
payment info and no one person's name at the top who you can talk to if you have
a problem. If you are surfing for an agency, a sign that one is more credible
than others would be the listing of a phone number and a manager's name. This
tells you there is someone accountable, and if possible before you send any
money or write any romantic thoughts, spend the dollar it costs per minute for
the long distance call from abroad and touch base with the manager. From your
conversation you will be able to tell if this is a 'take the money and run'
operation or one that will work with you in attempting to find the match of a
lifetime. The address sellers are the weak link in the marriage agency chain.
Marriage agencies do attract negative publicity, and are still seen as
somewhat exploitative, but it is worth remembering that they exist everywhere.
However, the financial differentials between Western husbands and Slavic brides
has left the practice open to attack. In the late 1990s a feminist legislator
from Washington State proposed a law wherein background checks should be
required of men enlisting the services of a marriage agency overseas. Allegedly
responding to cases wherein eastern European and Asian women were bought as mail
order brides and abandoned or abused in the United States, the legislation was
thrown out, largely due to the lack of concrete cases of abuses. In fact, many
agencies make a point of listing success stories of 'happy ever after' couples
on their sites, and guard against getting involved with any Western client
deemed 'undesirable'.
In general, potential bride hunters should be careful when choosing an agency
and ask those sensitive tough questions before hopping on a plane or forking out
a lot of money for that one 'special girl'. There are many genuine ladies
looking for long-term involvement, but there are also many girls more excited by
the prospect of 'no strings' fun with comparatively well-off foreign man. Happy
hunting!
