The
vast majority of the Philippine pen pals are quite
sincere in wanting to meet a gentleman from overseas
to be their friend or lifetime partner. Like all
women, they primarily are looking for a man to
provide a secure "nest" for them. In that many come
from a lower socio-economic class, finding a
suitable partner may be difficult for them.
Therefore, Western gentlemen are viewed not only as
a little taller and sometimes more handsome
(opposites tend to attract), but as being
pre-qualified financially to provide a home and
raise a family.
Filipina ladies are generally the best Asian pen pals in
terms of writing to ladies that are marriage minded
without alterior motives. Furthermore, most speak
English and are Christians. Even ladies living in near
by Asian countries seeking American and Western pen
friends are often Filipinas. Furthermore, Filipinas
often marry other Asians such as Japanese men who often
look to marry Filipinas.
With
our select small lists, you get to see the ladies own
words in their own handwriting. We believe you will find
this permits you to be more selective
than otherwise
possible. Photographs should NOT be a major factor in
making your selection! Although the photo lists require
the lady send us a photo, they often send the worst one
they have. The difference between the photos and what a
lady looks like in real life can be remarkable; for
better or worse. If one's looks are important to you,
ask the lady to send you additional photos.
Ladies
will usually reply only to the first handful of men they
are interested in. Because some ladies will publish
elsewhere, anticipate some rejection. Be flexible. You
should also anticipate that a lady's friend may reply to
your letter.
We
suggest you avoid making promises or demands; especially
at first. We think you would not like to have these
things placed on you either. Please realise it is best
to take things lightly. Although we try to screen out
what appears to be gold-diggers or scam artists, it's
very hard for us to know who really is. So, we suggest
you only send her Philippine postage stamps so she can
return mail to you (a peso is like a dollar there and it
costs 8 pesos to mail you a reply). Note: we sell these
stamps for your convenience. We caution against sending
cash (and your letters to her may be opened henceforth
and never even get to her if you do send cash). Also, if
you suddenly get approached with "news" that she needs
money; we suggest you seriously evaluate the situation
first. Remember, most of the ladies are truly sincere,
and many do come from poor families that may have real
financial needs. However, there are some scam artists
out there too. You may wish to take a "let's meet first"
approach to taking anything too seriously.
About
Phone Calls. Most people in the Philippines do not have
phones. However, collect calls can quickly get
expensive. We suggest you arrange a time where you can
call her (you should consider a discount international
calling plan), perhaps at a friends house where they
have a phone. We suggest you not give your phone number
out until you are ready.
About
Meeting Her: It's a long and expensive flight to the
Philippines. You probably hope to meet several ladies at
least, and you may feel cramped for time. Big name
hotels are expensive, although suitable pension houses
in smaller cities are usually safe and reasonable. It is
natural to want to meet ladies like a job interview with
scheduled appointments at your hotel (and since you're
the one making the biggest sacrifices to make it all
possible this only seems fair to you). But, those who
have hoped this "scheduled interview" approach would
work are usually very disappointed or inadvertently
select the type of lady they may have been hoping to
avoid. Keep in mind that the ladies often live in far
away provinces. For social and financial reasons they
often can't travel to see you, and don't want to feel
"cheap" and meet you like an "interview".
You
should plan to meet your pen-pal at a neutral location,
such as the airport or obvious landmark she suggests
before you arrive (have alternate contact plans also
arranged in the event of unforeseen delays and note that
"telegrams" can take several days to arrive). Few will
meet you at a fancy hotel (and some hotels can make it
difficult for a Filipina to enter the hotel). We suggest
you dress casually and for warm weather (sunscreen and
sunglasses are a must). Expect her friends and/or family
to meet you and that she will probably have a chaperone
during your initial visits as proper etiquette. Although
the vast majority of ladies are sincere, and their
families hospitable, a few could have alterior motives.
We found the Visayas just as safe as Luzon; but we
suggest you check current travel advisories before your
departure.
It is
also possible that you may meet a lady in the
Philippines; and it helps to have someone introduce you
to a lady of your interest, but it's not always
necessary. There are even some "taxi" services catering
to foreigners (some of which plan tours from abroad),
specifically to meet ladies living in cities such as
Cebu. However, we believe this is a rather socially
unacceptable introduction process for most ladies living
in the Philippines.
Philippine Dating Customs: Dating in the Philippines and
Asia is different than it is here. For example, the
Filipina term "boyfriend" does not imply a serious
relationship as is does here. A chaste and pure lady
might say she has a boyfriend. Also, a lady may say she
had a "lover" (but that does not mean a lady has had
intimate relations, just that he was her "steady"). So,
if you are still meeting other ladies, or look like you
might in view of your itinerary, make sure you are just
her boyfriend and not her steady. If you are really
serious about her, you need to ask her (and/or her
parents) to be her steady. Until you do this, she will
not really get close to you.
If you
are just looking for a good-time or casual sexual
relationships, there are "tourist" spots with "working
girls" that accommodate that trade (actually very few
Filipinas are "working girls"). There are also local
spots where non-tourists go for these services. However,
good girls don't do casual dating like some ladies do
here. Few sincere ladies are quick to have intimate
relations without imminent marriage. Do not confuse
sincere ladies with "working girls".
You
should contact the Immigration & Naturalization Service
(INS), your attorney, or your Congressional
Representative for the latest information and forms as
applies to your case. However, generally speaking, if
you are interested in marrying a lady from overseas you
will probably need to petition her either as a fiancee
or spouse.
The
fiancee process is, perhaps, less problematic. First,
you do not need to get a form (available from the US
Embassy in the Philippines) permitting you to marry in
the Philippines. Second, if there were any problems with
the immigration petition, these could be addressed
before you have entered into marriage (in the
Philippines there is virtually no divorce allowed).
Finally, it gives you time to get married in the USA;
time to get to know each other better!
However, some ladies just won't accept the fiancée
process. They want to be married in their home land and
the wedding ceremonies there can be quite elaborate and
something you may not wish to miss out on. If the lady,
and you, are confident of your ability to meet
immigration requirements, you can work on arranging your
paper work somewhat in advance so that the process will
be less disconcerting. Again, you will need a form
permitting you to marry in the Philippines (a Philippine
requirement). You will need to give your spouse moneys
to take a physical and interview in Manila, including
transportation and hotel expenses for her. Finally, she
will need money for an airline ticket to the USA.
PHILIPPINE PHRASES ((Tagalog, national language):
You
don't need to know their language but a few words
mentioned in your letter could be nice.
How are
you: Kumusta ka?
Thank you: Salamat po.
I love you: Mahal kita.
I like you: Gusto kita.
You look pretty: Maganda ikaw.
Hope you will write me: Sana masulatan mo ako.
