As part of
a series on young people in the Middle East, the BBC
News website discovers how technology is aiding the
secret liaisons of young men and women in the
conservative culture of the United Arab Emirates.
It happens
in malls, cinemas and cafes - in Dubai's notorious
traffic jams, and now by mobile phone.
Many of the
city's black-shrouded UAE girls say they cannot check
out the latest fashions in Zara or sip a smoothie in a
cafe without being bombarded with the phone numbers of
hopeful admirers.
Among UAE nationals - as the minority of the UAE's
residents that are not expatriates are called - it is
generally considered impolite for a man to speak to a
woman he is neither married nor related to in public.
Traditionally, a young man's first amorous approach to a
woman is supposed to be a marriage proposal made by his
parents to her parents.
But the
cards, scraps of paper and mobile phone messages that
pass from male to female are testament to the double
existence of some young UAE nationals as they take their
love lives into their own hands.
Wireless advances
One
technology is proving particularly useful.
Bluetooth is a feature built into some mobile phones
which enables the user to transfer data to another
wireless device nearby.
But
crucially, it also enables one person to contact another
within a 10 metre radius without knowing their phone
number.
Ahmed Bin
Desmal's friends joke that he is a "Bluetooth king". The
20-year-old says he has used the technology to send
notes to girls he sees in public places.
"In our
country it's very rude to go up and talk to them," he
says. "I sent some notes, they liked them - they took my
number and they called me. I say nice things - I'm into
poems."
While to
many like Ahmed, Bluetooth is just a way to start a
conversation, for some it can go much further.
Mohammed,
24, does not know how many girlfriends he has had. He
prefers expat girls because he can take them to the
beach or to parties, but finds Bluetooth useful when
pursuing locals.
"In some
areas you can't talk to a girl except through
Bluetooth."
His
flirtations by phone and other means sometimes end in
sex. Even with national girls, it is possible to keep it
secret: "Hotels, flats, houses, anything - there's
always a way," he says.
But he
wants to marry a virgin eventually: "The girls I have
sex with are different from the girls I would marry -
these girls want to play around," he says.
Choosing a wife
But not all
are like this - far from it. At Dubai Men's College I
meet several bright, studious young men.
Most want to wait until they are established in careers
and in their late twenties before marrying. Few have had
friendships that would approach the Western definition
of a girlfriend.
"If I tell
you I don't think about it, it's a lie. Every day I meet
a lot of women, but in the end if you can control
yourself that's something good," says Salim Alakraf, 25.
For them
the issue is how much they will be involved in choosing
their wife.
"Nowadays
people are really open-minded, although we still follow
our culture. If I'm working with a girl and I think she
is suitable for me, I can ask my family to go and ask
her family about her to see if she is suitable," says
Saeed Suwaidi, 27, the leader of the student council.
'Perfect talk'
Among
national girls, it is virtually impossible for a young
woman to admit to clandestine meetings with boys,
although from the tales young men tell, it is clear that
these take place.
Even being friends with such a girl can damage a
reputation, a word that comes up often.
And while
some would like to meet their future husband "by
coincidence" or through work, there is still caution
about "love marriages".
"I don't
think I'd have a love marriage. It's not that I don't
want one, but our contact with guys is not that good,
and a guy talks his perfect talk when he sees a girl so
it could be a misjudgement. Family marriage is a bit
more risk-free," says accounting student Maryam Abdullah
Bin Bilaila, 19.
Instant
messaging
But other
young people are treading a cautious, secretive path
towards love marriages, aided by technology.
Ahmed, 26,
is in love with his girlfriend of five years, but
neither of their families know.
They talk often by mobile phone, but their meetings are
limited to the 10 minutes between her leaving work and
arriving home.
"Yes, I
think I will marry her. We've had a long relationship,
for five years. She knows all my secrets, I know her
secrets," he says.
And Saud,
22, met the girl he describes as his girlfriend two
years ago on the internet, through instant messaging
software.
Although
they talk on the phone, he has seen her only five or six
times, by following her from a distance as she shops
with her family in a mall. He says she's beautiful.
But, while
the couple are finding ways around their society's
cultural mores, for them, as for many young people, the
consequences of being caught remain all too real.
"We are
afraid someone from her family will see and there could
be big problems which would mean we couldn't ever
marry," says Saud.
Some names
have been changed to protect the interviewees'
identities.
