How to Maintain Your Privacy with your Russian Wife

My recommendation is that you keep all of your personal correspondence and other personal files off your home computer. If you keep your stock portfolio or other financial information on it, it’s going to fall into the hands of the KGB.

I recommend that you get ‘content sniffer’ software that scrubs your home computer of all potential objectionable files. Imagine that your computer is going to be sitting at the public library for anyone to look through. That’s the level at which you should maintain your home computer.

One great company that has a lot of products that provide privacy on the Internet is the Anonymizer Group of products.

Personally I recommend their Anonymizer ID Protection Suite with Window Washer. This allows you anonymous searching on the web plus the ability to clean your computer of objectionable files. You can order it at the above website.

If you need to keep personal financial files or other personal correspondence confidential, put them on a portable computer, using encryption software like PGP, and keep it locked in your office.

All confidential hardcopy files should be kept in a locked safe off premises. All legal documents should be kept at your attorney’s office. Purge your house of old girlfriend’s photographs and their personal articles.

If this sounds like you are acting like a secret agent you are correct. Whether you act like one or not, your wife will be acting like one.

Have fun with it. Imagine that you are James Bond and you don’t want to leave any incriminating information left around. Get rid of anything that ties you to your prior married or bachelor life, especially as it relates to women.

You are now a Stepford husband. You have not had any experiences with women prior to meeting your wife. You spent your entire life previous to meeting your wife in a monastery. You must deny any knowledge of your prior existence.

Remember, any information, can and will be used against you !

Get rid of all the catalogs and videos from the Russian tour companies. Get rid of your ‘tool girl’ calendars and your vintage copies of Playboy from the ‘good years.’

Lock up your guns in a gun safe that’s kept in the garage. Get rid of the ones that aren’t legal.

The only videos you should have are action movies rated PG or less. The only cable subscriptions you should have are sports or regular movie channels. Don’t order anything objectionable through pay per view or at the video store.

Your house should resemble Mr. Roger’s Playhouse. You should be able to operate a Church school there after you ‘disinfect it.’

Actually, since the new security measures have passed Congress, it’s probably a good idea to maintain this level of personal privacy anyway.

Between your personal domestic KGB agent and the FBI scanning your emails and your Internet surfing, monitoring your correspondence and television watching, you are just like that Jim Carrey movie character that was under surveillance all the time, but didn’t know it.

Well, now you know it.

The only thing she can’t monitor are your thoughts. But she’ll try. That comes later.