Weddings in modern China combine both traditional
elements and elements influenced by the West. The
actual civil ceremony consists of registering the
marriage with the local registrar is brief and done
without much ceremony. The wedding reception,
however, is elaborate and complex. The one prominent
element of modern Chinese weddings is the Chinese
wedding album.
Traditional customs include the so-called "three letters
and six etiquette". The "three letters" involve a series
of three written letters ("request letter", "gift
letter" and "wedding letter") being hand-delivered in
sequence by the groom's family to that of the bride
through an elderly female envoy/liaison from the groom's
family.
The "six etiquette" consists of six steps that
are carried out prior to and during the wedding day. In
the first step, the groom's family's envoy communicates
the offer of marriage to the bride's family and attempts
to persuade the bride's family to accept. If the offer
is accepted by the bride's family, the two families
negotiate the terms of the marriage.
In the second step,
the groom's family, via its envoy, requests the bride's
family to disclose the eight Chinese characters that
mark the date and hour of the bride's birth. A fortune
teller is then hired to analyze the date and hour of the
bride's birth with the date and hour of the groom's
birth to see if the bride's date and hour of birth are
compatible with those of the groom.
The third step
consists of the groom's family sending some initial
gifts to the bride's family.
The fourth step is where
the groom's family will pick a "good day" to send their
formal gifts to the bride's family and to send gifts,
cash, cakes and food for use in ancestral worship.
The
fifth step is the selection, by the hired fortune
teller, of a "good day" for the actual wedding date.
The
sixth and final step is the wedding day ceremony itself.
The interior of both families' homes are decorated in
red, while the bride and groom are dressed in red with
the bride's face being veiled in a red cloth. A
procession of servants and musicians from the groom's
family picks up the bride from her family's home and
delivers her, in a carriage, to the groom's family's
home.
The bride's gifts to the groom would be delivered
to the groom at this time only if the bride is a "long
distance" bride who does not live in the same area as
the groom. Otherwise, her gifts should have been sent a
few days prior.
With relatives and friends witnessing,
the bride and groom then proceed to worship the heavens,
the earth, and the groom's dead ancestors before the
couple serve tea to the elders of their families. After
being served tea by the bride and groom, the family
elders will give them red envelopes (lai see)
containing money and offer their blessings. This
so-called "tea ceremony" is the ritual climax of the
wedding day.
The aforesaid "wedding letter" is presented
during the wedding day and confirms that the bride will
become part of the groom's family's household. If
financially possible, the groom's family will then throw
a huge feast for all relatives and friends with the
groom's family's said liaison making repeated toasts to
the newly wedded persons. When the married couple are
finally alone in the bridal room where the wedding bed
is located, the groom may lift the red veil that had
hidden his bride's face.
Three
days after the wedding, the bride returns to her
family's home bringing a roasted pig and gifts. She may
or may not, depending on which region in China, be
required to be accompanied by her new husband, and she
may or may not stay in her old home for a few days. The
bride's family, as a courtesy, would return some of the
gifts that they had received from the groom's family.
Although Chinese wedding customs vary from province to
province, and from region to region, there are some
basic and common themes in the traditional Chinese
wedding.
Both
the bride and groom are usually dressed in red, as red
is the color of celebration and good fortune. The bride,
with a red veil or large embroidered handkerchief over
her head (much like the Western custom of a white
wedding veil), and is lead by the groom to where the
parents are seated.
Once
there, the couple then kneels and kow-tows to their
parents, and to their ancestors - taking note to bow and
kow-tow to all four directions (north, south, east and
west). They will also pour tea and serve it to their
parents, which then the parents accept and gives the
couple a red envelope (or hong-bao) filled with
cash. Usually, the mothers will take this opportunity to
also give the bride many pieces of gold jewelry or
heirlooms.
After
this ceremony, it is considered that the couple is
married, and the family and guests spend the evening
feasting and drinking all night long. During this meal,
the bride will change her outfit several times;
generally a new outfit for each course. This shows her
new family, and her guests her wealth and status.
Oftentimes, many games will be played during this
banquet. Guests give the bride and groom gifts of cash,
stuffed in red packets or envelopes.
In more
recent years, a new custom has emerged where the wedding
guests will escort or sneak into the new couple's room,
to play games and pranks. As Chinese custom requires
that hosts (in this case, the newlyweds) can not be rude
to their guests, and can not ask them to leave - this
celebration can last for several hours.
Another more
modern tradition occurs before the tea ceremony. The
bride is hidden in a room and her attendants (called
"sisters," even if the women are not biologically the
bride's siblings) try to prevent the groom and his
attendants ("brothers") from coming in to pick up the
bride. They try to get the groom to bid for the bride,
asking for money in 8s or 9s. They also ask the men
(especially the groom) trivial questions, such as "where
did you meet the bride?" Sometimes, the women would ask
the groom and his attendants to write a poem about the
bride or do silly tricks. At the end, the women are
given money by the men.
