Dating, Love & Relationships Around The World

Muslim Singles Move Away From Arranaged Marriages

April 28th, 2008 by GiGi

Though it may seem old-fashioned in a US context, finding a partner without your family’s help bucks most Muslim traditions. While these informal meetings happen, the concept of dating for fun simply does not exist in Islam. Any potential match is judged, pursued, or abandoned based on marriage potential. In the US, however, many Muslims – especially Arabs – have re-interpreted parts of the courtship process to allow for something closer to the American way.

The careful rules that dictate male-female interaction and courtship between Muslim couples quite simply can’t be applied in the US as they are in predominately Muslim countries. What’s more, Islamic teachings lay out few indisputable guidelines when it comes to finding and meeting a mate; every Muslim tradition has its own interpretation.

The result: US Muslims are pioneering ways to read Muslim rules in ways that make sense in an American context. Many are meeting through the Muslim Student Association. The MSA at campuses around the country is nicknamed the ‘Matrimonial Student Association’ because it’s an acceptable social setting for otherwise taboo meetings between singles.

Some Muslim families are allowing their children to take advantage of nikah, an old tradition that allows something close to American dating. Under Islamic law, nikah is a legal marriage that entitles couples to all the privileges of marriage. In practice, most using a nikah remain chaste until their wedding night. If the couple decides to break up during the nikah, there’s far less stigma than getting divorced after the marriage ceremony.

While Muslim courtship rules vary around the globe – from arranged marriages (possibly never seeing your partner’s face before the wedding night) to looser versions (spending time with each other in the company of family) – most Muslims would agree that a guy and a girl going out alone doesn’t fly. A popular Hadith, or saying of the

prophet Muhammad, warns that when an unwed man and woman are left alone, Satan is the third person in the room.

Many of the traditions remain unchanged with the US Muslim singles, such as speaking with her parents for permission to court. This traditional courtship in the presence

of their families, means never spending time alone or kissing until they are married.

“I think it’s widely accepted now among Muslims in America that things are not the same as they were in their country of origin, whether it’s Sudan, Pakistan, or Egypt,” says Imam Mohamed Magid, the executive director of the All Dulles Area Muslim Society in Sterling, Va.

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